It’s been a while….

Hasn’t it? 

A few people have been asking me lately about my blogs.  I miss writing them as much as you do reading them. 

But the last few months I’ve been struggling.  I’ve been at a very low place and the few I attempted came out as rants. Deep dark rants.  I didn’t want to worry you guys; so I kept my blog shut. 

Those close to me know my struggles.  Know how low I have been and patiently held my hand. I thank you.

Looking back I’m on my way out the black hole I found myself in. But this time lasted longer than before.

A few months ago I received the news that the right side of my heart was in significant failure.  I have PH. I knew this would happen eventually.  Unfortunately for me I’m a renal failure patient.  So its double whammy.

Usually the right side pumps fluid away.  Mines stopped doing so. And because of the failure the fluid sat in my legs. And got bigger and bigger. And with that came pain. 

It’s taken 12 weeks to sort it out. 12 long long dark depressing weeks.   But slowly and surely I’ve got there.  

I went through a massive dose of why me.  I’m not sure if you saw a post I shared the other day about grieving for me. But it was similar.  When I look back I’m amazed how far I’ve come. How I am still fighting and will continue to fight.  But I also feel sad at how much my life has  changed.  I don’t want to dwell. I don’t want to mope. I just need to hold my head up and get on with it.

So hoping now my heads in the right space I’m back.   I can’t promise I’ll write regularly,  but more than I have done.

Lots of love as always

Jellyfish

Xx

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