Easiest way to update you all is to do a blog….

Some of you are aware ive been in a bad place recently. Some aware of my constant daily battle and just how tough i am finding it this time round.

Some of you have litterally kicked me up the arse, dragged me kicking and screaming into the next hour, held my hand, or simply let me rant. Thank you.  I needed whatever part you played.  

Today i saw a doctor. Finally. Today i got answers. At last. Today i know the way forward for the next few days. Hurrah.

I have never been straight forward. Not a simple textbook case of one condition. A nice complex mix of several. So when things so wrong, they go wrong. 

Firstly the ulcer on my leg. And the swelling.  On wednesday it got so bad, i litterally couldnt walk. There was swelling on the swelling on the insides of my thighs which rubbed very badly when i walked.  It was under the backs of my knees so i couldnt bend them at all. Making sitting down very difficult, getting up and downstairs an almost impossability  and walking like ive had an accident. Not a good look.

A few months ago i had a echo of my heart. Basically it shows the right side isn’t well. It’s showing signs of deterioration and strain. So with this in mind , when something else happens to my body, my heart simply can’t cope.  

So when I developed the ulcer, the body decided to fight it. All well and good, unfortunately not good for my struggling heart.  My body decided to put the ulcer first.  Unfortunately fluid began to build up.  Then along came infection. Causing my body to fight it twice as hard, neglecting my body twice as much. Build up gets bigger.  Now  Add into the mix  sensitivity to an antibiotic and the problem gets magnified.  And because all of this is going on, my blood pressure decides to stay low as it’s the only way my heart can cope. So throw into the stirring pit a mixture of dizzy spells, extreme fatigue and moodiness.

One sign was my ability to fall asleep.  Middle of conversation.or dinner. Or anywhere. Normally on the bus to and from dialysis. Even with my hands in my head. It’s not so bad now but it has been embarrassing and horrendous doing so.

Oh not forgetting the infection itself to contend with. At times it was so bad I was hallucinating.  I’ve heard some texts I sent at the time.   I can laugh about it now but at the time I was deadly serious and concerned for the mouse/parrots/bunny rabbits/ safety against the evil pixies and madly swatting away the fairies trying to land in my hair.  The doctors pulled nick aside and asked him if I was drunk or taking anything…… 

Anyway, I’ve gone off track slightly.  To recap in short the swellings occurred due to my heart struggling and fighting the ulcers.  Now things are settling down it won’t have to struggle as much.  My blood pressure is rising once again and I’m now on the correct antibiotics that suit me.  

I’ve now gone back to my weight obsession. I always take my weight as what I finish the week as.  Last Friday I was 69.7kg.  Today I ended at 65.5kg.  So I’ve lost 4.2kg of fluid this week.

I still have a way to go. But I will get there. I’m seeing the doctor again on Monday and having an extra session next week to get on top of things.  

But looking forward now I know what to look out for. To understand that when something else us going on my body is more likely to put its energy into that rather than help my heart.  

Makes sense doesn’t it? 

Lots of love as always



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